i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
