It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
