Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
