Umm I'm too high to move.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
