Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
