HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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