I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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