explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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