I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
