I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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