it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
