I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
