bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
