the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
