I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
