We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
