Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
