2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
