Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
