chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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