maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
