Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
