I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
