some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
