is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
