while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
