so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
