i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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