Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
