I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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