i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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