the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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