wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
