my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
