I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
