guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
