he wants to bone in the snuggie
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
