Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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