omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
