you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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