just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
