okay pat passed out under dana's car
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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