so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
