"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
