The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
