I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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