I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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