You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A+ Viking dick
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