if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
