U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
