i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
