My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
