I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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