I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
