omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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